I never believed that anything was actually wrong with me. I thought what I was experiencing was normal.
It wasn’t. One day – I was handed a major panic attack.
It turns out that most of my life I have been walking around with some sort of anxiety and panic attacks. I have been sucked into it for so long, that I didn’t know anything else. This was my normal.
I did not have the famous waves that everyone speaks of, I was always on the top – until I fell down. And so it was. There was no warnings, just the bang and a drop at some point.
For the past two weeks I have experienced minimal of anxiety and panic attacks. I’m not sure what changed it, but I have accepted it and embraced it. I know it won’t last for ever, but for now I’ll take what I can get.
I am at peace with being able to sit on the sofa doing nothing and not having my heart beating out of my chest for no reason.
I was scared of everything and anything. I was scared without knowing what I was scared of.
Even if it doesn’t last, it’s a good feeling. A feeling of being relaxed and knowing when it strikes – it doesn’t last forever. It let’s go. I hope this is the new normal, I will promise to embrace every moment of it as best as I can.
I have for the past two weeks smiled at things, laughed at things and enjoyed. If this is what life is like for people without anxiety – I will admit of being a bit jealous.
I am for now grateful for what I have at this very moment.