There are a few things in life that are as great as a good nights sleep.
I will admit to being a sleep talker, I will admit my love to sleep and occasionally I snore when I’m sick. I will admit that I love sleep – but not always, sometimes falling a sleep or troubled sleep is my problem.
I have memories of almost always being woken up after being half a sleep by someone talking to me or around me. But there is no one there. I have dreams that are so real that I can’t separate them from reality.
During a period of stress I experienced something weird, my body shut down. I stopped breathing, my heart stopped beating and I could not move. I only had one thought in my head – ”This is it, I’m dying.” I tried to move, but I couldn’t, not an inch was being affected by me giving the command of MOVE! The weird thing was, my brain was still functioning. So I was lying there wanting to cry, scream and let the world know I was dying. But there was only pitch black and silence.
I continued my fight and at some point I was sitting up in my bed gasping for air. Checking that I was alive and thinking I should wake the man lying next to me to tell him. But I didn’t, I lay back down in bed trying to calm my self and going back to sleep.
As I was lying there again, trying to sleep – it happened, all over again. I came to peace with it, this is me dying. The thoughts running through my head was how sorry I felt for the man who I love sleeping next to me – next morning would find me dead in our bed. How sad I was about him having to move into the house alone, for my family and for all the things I would be missing out on.
This was happening seeral times that night and I remembered having felt previous nights, but not put any thought into it. Now I was.
It scared me, is there something wrong with me – is there something wrong with my heart?
We went away for a weekend. We had fun, drank beer and enjoyed life. For me it was great, except I was constantly tired of dying in my sleep. I still hadn’t told my boyfriend about this (as I was shitting my pants myself over this)– I did not want to tell him before I was sure.
After having been drinking beer and I was ready for sleep – the usual happened, except it was worse. I was screaming so loud I could, but nothing came out. My boyfriend didn’t react to my extreme twitching as this is normal with me, except I was fighting – not twitching.
This went on for several weeks, until I one night was home alone – going to sleep and it happened again. This time it scared me, to the point that I did not even want to try to sleep again within the first hour. The ”I shall not die in my sleep”-part lead me to Google and who ever says Google isn’t the thing to do is wrong this time. After reading up and down on other people experiencing similar things I found my answer.
I have sleep paralysis.
After having several weeks with being scared and not knowing what was going on I was a bit relived as I know knew that this is ”normal”, crappy thing is that there probably is no cure for it. And that I have crazy dreams and occasionally ”die” when I try to fall a sleep.
Things got a bit better when I was relaxing through the whole ”I am dying”-part.
I eventually told my boyfriend who was a bit worried as the text started with ”I haven’t want to tell you this, but it has been going on for a while” – great Maggie, good job on writing that text!
That would freak anyone out, I guess.
My bad dreams are surrealistic mainly, the not so bad ones – but still turn out to be bad when you aren’t sure if what happened is real or not.
Knowing what is going on when I’m “dying” – it’s just my body that goes into sleep mode without my brain doing the same
I have found a way to live with it. Mainly to not fall a sleep drunk (or not drink a lot in general) and knowing that I’m not dying, that if the dream seems real – but surrealistic it’s probably a set-up from your brain to play tricks.
It’s a personal thing and everyone who suffers from these experiences this differently. And if you experience something similar to what I do, there is nothing wrong with you – but you might consider what might affect it. Some experience them regularly like I do, others rarely or never.
For me it was stress that med it worse. And the stress about not knowing what this was didn’t help. Alcohol and stress wasn’t a good combination either.
That was it for now and I hope you sleep well tonight,
without any trouble or nightmares.