We sleep to dream, or…..

There are a few things in life that are as great as a good nights sleep.

I will admit to being a sleep talker, I will admit my love to sleep and occasionally I snore when I’m sick. I will admit that I love sleep – but not always, sometimes falling a sleep or troubled sleep is my problem.

I have memories of almost always being woken up after being half a sleep by someone talking to me or around me. But there is no one there. I have dreams that are so real that I can’t separate them from reality.

During a period of stress I experienced something weird, my body shut down. I stopped breathing, my heart stopped beating and I could not move. I only had one thought in my head – ”This is it, I’m dying.” I tried to move, but I couldn’t, not an inch was being affected by me giving the command of MOVE! The weird thing was, my brain was still functioning. So I was lying there wanting to cry, scream and let the world know I was dying. But there was only pitch black and silence.

I continued my fight and at some point I was sitting up in my bed gasping for air. Checking that I was alive and thinking I should wake the man lying next to me to tell him. But I didn’t, I lay back down in bed trying to calm my self and going back to sleep.

As I was lying there again, trying to sleep – it happened, all over again. I came to peace with it, this is me dying. The thoughts running through my head was how sorry I felt for the man who I love sleeping next to me – next morning would find me dead in our bed. How sad I was about him having to move into the house alone, for my family and for all the things I would be missing out on.

This was happening seeral times that night and I remembered having felt previous nights, but not put any thought into it. Now I was.

It scared me, is there something wrong with me – is there something wrong with my heart?

We went away for a weekend. We had fun, drank beer and enjoyed life. For me it was great, except I was constantly tired of dying in my sleep. I still hadn’t told my boyfriend about this (as I was shitting my pants myself over this)– I did not want to tell him before I was sure.

After having been drinking beer and I was ready for sleep – the usual happened, except it was worse. I was screaming so loud I could, but nothing came out. My boyfriend didn’t react to my extreme twitching as this is normal with me, except I was fighting – not twitching.

This went on for several weeks, until I one night was home alone – going to sleep and it happened again. This time it scared me, to the point that I did not even want to try to sleep again within the first hour. The ”I shall not die in my sleep”-part lead me to Google and who ever says Google isn’t the thing to do is wrong this time. After reading up and down on other people experiencing similar things I found my answer.

I have sleep paralysis.

After having several weeks with being scared and not knowing what was going on I was a bit relived as I know knew that this is ”normal”, crappy thing is that there probably is no cure for it. And that I have crazy dreams and occasionally ”die” when I try to fall a sleep.

Things got a bit better when I was relaxing through the whole ”I am dying”-part.

I eventually told my boyfriend who was a bit worried as the text started with ”I haven’t want to tell you this, but it has been going on for a while” – great Maggie, good job on writing that text!

That would freak anyone out, I guess.

I’m lucky.

My bad dreams are surrealistic mainly, the not so bad ones – but still turn out to be bad when you aren’t sure if what happened is real or not.

Knowing what is going on when I’m “dying” – it’s just my body that goes into sleep mode without my brain doing the same

I have found a way to live with it. Mainly to not fall a sleep drunk (or not drink a lot in general) and knowing that I’m not dying, that if the dream seems real – but surrealistic it’s probably a set-up from your brain to play tricks.

It’s a personal thing and everyone who suffers from these experiences this differently. And if you experience something similar to what I do, there is nothing wrong with you – but you might consider what might affect it. Some experience them regularly like I do, others rarely or never.

For me it was stress that med it worse. And the stress about not knowing what this was didn’t help. Alcohol and stress wasn’t a good combination either.

That was it for now and I hope you sleep well tonight, without any trouble or nightmares.


13 thoughts on “We sleep to dream, or…..

    1. Until I knew what it was I was scared. Specially feeling like I was having an epileptic seizure when “getting” out of it. Now it’s ok, I know I probably will wake up the next day and that I’m still breathing.

      But some of the dreams are just so unrealistic that it makes me laugh.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you.
      There are treatments and things one can try. Like sleeping on your back, something that I never do. But it seems to be working, so I’m trying to do it. Also making sure you are relaxed and not over stimulated before going to bed is another thing to try. There is apparently “treatments” out there, it’s for the the ones who are suffering a lot more than me.
      But I manage 🙂 As long as it’s just in periods and not every night, I know I will get some good sleep eventually. And I try not to stress, but sometimes it’s not possible to avoid.


      1. Ah, what an endless circle that is – trying not to stress. Have you tried meditation? It helps clear the mind. Takes a lot of practice to get it right though.


      2. I don’t think meditation would ever “kill” the stress that comes with, buying and selling a house. But I have taken it into consideration.
        But I’m taking one step at the time and I do believe it’s helping. I guess it’s all about “cracking the code”.


      3. Ha! Yeah, I’ve been through the whole real estate thing. Not fun. Meditation though isn’t about killing. More like escaping. Anyway, I wish you all the best. 🙂


  1. Oh my!! I have been experiencing sleep paralysis for years!! It doesn’t happen every night, but it has happened often enough for me to recognize it and fight myself out of it. Thankfully, now with my hubby next to me I can shake enough for him to know what is happening and wake me. No matter how many times I go through it, it still scares me:(


    1. I have no movement, so I can’t wake up the man next to me. I hate it, thankfully it has calmed down a bit. But I had it for weeks at the time and it was horrible. I was considering sleeping during the day instead.

      Liked by 1 person

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